It’s exciting welcoming your first child, though tempered somewhat with not knowing what all of this will bring. That doesn’t always change with your second, especially if you find yourself having to juggle sleep time with a toddler AND a newborn! It’s not uncommon to feel overwhelmed or completely exhausted while trying to adjust to this new reality. So, today, we’ll have a look at some tried and tested strategies to help you get through it all. Some may work, some may not, but having a starting point can make a world of difference.
Flexibility vs Routine
You might be a bit tired of hearing the word, but flexibility is what it’s all about. We talked a little while ago about the importance of routines, and it’s just as true when you’ve got two (or more!) little ones to have to work with. However, flexibility doesn’t mean inconsistency, even though things are a bit harder with the unpredictable nature of a newborn’s sleep needs. Keeping your toddler’s previous routine and sleep patterns as similar as you can to how they were before the new baby arrived can help them continue to feel settled – and will give you the opportunity to know at least part of how the day will go. Getting the chance to play with your older child while your newborn is having their own sleep time is another way to maintain a level of predictability. While routines are still important, it’s also key to have the flexibility to know that sometimes it just isn’t going to quite work out how you’d planned – and that’s ok.
Make the Most out of Nap Time
And in very much the same lines, making the most of the time they are asleep is key – especially if they’re both asleep at the same time. It’s a great chance to get some shut-eye yourself, or, if you can’t, at least take the opportunity to just rest and recharge – even if it’s only for a few minutes. If only one is asleep, you can focus your attention a bit more. Play with the older one, and give your new baby as many cuddles as you both feel up to once the feeding and changing routine is done. If they’re both up, that’s the time for the noisy toys!
Independent Play
Sometimes, your toddler is going to have to occupy themselves, at least for a little while. Setting up an area that is safe, secure, and just for them can be a great way for them to learn independent play skills. Have it set up with their favourite age-appropriate toys in a place where you can still keep an eye on them. As they get used to playing, you’ll get used to having a bit more time to deal with the tiny one when they’re both up. Haakaa’s Alien Explorer Bath Toys are a great thing to have in a space like this, because they’re not just bath toys. Each alien character (and their spaceship!) can be played with wherever your little one wants them, and because they’re soft silicone, they’re nice and safe, too. It can be enormously fun seeing the types of stories and games your toddler can come up with when playing with these types of toys – and even better is you can then take them to the bath once it’s time and let the story be acted out! Because these toys are detachable, they’re extremely easy to keep clean and dry, making them perfect for playing with in a whole range of environments.
Share Nighttime Duties
If it’s at all possible, sharing nighttime duties with your partner or other family members can be an absolute lifesaver for you all. Taking turns to get up, even if it’s not every night, can give you a chance to catch up on some of that much-needed sleep. You can organise to do this even if you’re breastfeeding by expressing milk earlier for someone else to warm and feed to your baby. Any of our fantastic manual breast pump range is great for this, but the Gen 3 is absolutely ideal. Designed to be able to adapt and grow to meet your child’s needs as they grow, this pump has the ability to remove the pump flange and replace it with a bottle top, meaning you don’t need to worry about having to transfer your milk between containers – it stays right in there, removing the chances of it accidentally being spilt as you pour it! Even better, it can be transformed later on into a feeding spoon, storage container or sippy cup as needed. Each attachment can be bought separately, so you only have to get what you need as you need it.
Use Your Support Systems
Getting your family, friends, and parenting groups to help you out, whether with practical, in-person assistance or just to be a shoulder to lean on as you vent, should not be underestimated. Having a trusted adult take your toddler out for a few hours, especially while you’re trying to get breastfeeding established, can go a long way to smoothing the path for you. Parenting groups in your area might be able to share little tips and tricks that have worked for them. Anything that helps share the load, whether physical or emotional, can only be a good thing when it comes to juggling the complications of having more than one little one with you.
Self-care
Putting your own needs aside is both common and understandable – but it doesn’t mean those needs magically disappear. Finding time to ground yourself is vital. What this looks like varies from person to person, but even taking a few minutes to breathe deeply and settle your mind can be a huge help. Have someone look after the kids for an hour or two while you have a bath or head out for a walk – whatever it is that lets you remember that you’re a person in your own right, not just a parent.
Patience
Transitioning takes time. You may or may not remember the haze that was adjusting to your new reality when your first child was born, but it’s not any different the second time just because you’ve done it before. But, that said, it’s also good to remember that this time, it’s not just you adjusting – your older one also has to deal with a whole new way of life, and they often react in unexpected ways. Reassuring them and showing patience may be needed. And showing yourself the same patience you show them is just as critical.
Acceptance
Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on your point of view, sometimes things will just come down to having to accept that things aren’t quite going to go to plan. Sleeps will be disrupted, and it might take a while for you, your little ones, and the wider family to get into a calm rhythm. Just remember – it won’t last forever, and you will get through it. One day, you’ll be able to look back on the chaos and laugh about it (though it often doesn’t seem that way when you’re in the thick of it). It’s a period of growth for all of you, and it might just be something that you’ll have to accept.
Of course, if there is anything that you think is causing issues, then it’s entirely appropriate to seek professional advice – and that goes for everyone involved, from newborn to toddler to parents. Most issues are more easily addressed when caught early, so if your gut tells you you should see someone, do it. If it turns out that nothing is wrong, you gain some peace of mind. If, however, there is something that needs looking into, you can get it sorted then. But remember, as we mentioned right at the top – every family – and every member within it – is unique. Trying out different things to see what works for you, alongside a good dose of flexibility and love, you’ll get through it and have everyone sleeping through restful nights.